I'm Jan. BA Psychology. University of the Philippines. Scholastican. MUSIC - DRUMS and guitar. HIMYM. HARRYPOTTER. My blog posts are mostly about my sentiments in life, events that happened in the past, about people in my past, and random rants. users online free counters
September 26th
11:01 AM

Realizations 2012 s1e4

Dear self,

I am writing to you because I think we need to change.

I am very sorry for today, I have failed you. Remember our goals? The ones we planned before the semester started? I think we won’t be able to fulfill them anymore. Remember us dreaming of bringing home that sheet of paper worth more than any of the gold pendants we have collected during grade school and high school? Well, I don’t think we’ll make it. At least not anymore because of that freaking exam. But most of all, because of me. I am really sorry. I might have ruined our only chance of getting that piece of paper. I comforted myself in thinking that I have done enough for my studies that I actually did not exert any effort in studying for a single freaking exam. 

I hate it when I do that. I hate when I let myself think that I have done much. That I am very tired because I have been doing stuff for my studies too much. I hate that I am lazy. In reality, I have done some stuff. Stuffs that are not enough to make me deserve the time I spend slacking off. I am not tired. I haven’t done enough. With this way of thinking, I might not become who I want to be. I need to change. To take things seriously. To grow up. 

I am still a child. I don’t believe everyone should grow up. It’s not fun losing your inner child. But with all of the things going on, in this transitional stage of life which I am currently going through, I think I would have to let my childhood go. I won’t be anywhere near to being a doctor or a scientist if I keep on choosing the comfortable, safe, and easy way of life. I won’t be successful if I find contentment in passing scores and “good enoughs”. 

Help me, dear self. Encourage me to change. Help me gather the strength and courage I need to step into the wild waters. Let us hate comfort and safety. Let us be like the savage man who refuses to adopt civilization as a way of living. Let us love challenge and improvement. 

If we cannot land in the D list, then let’s just be listers of our own D. We are our own enemy.

May 20th
7:14 AM

Realizations 2012 s1e3

OST (Nothing - The Script)

A few minutes before seven o’clock, just watched Naruto (The Third just died, I’m left crying for Konoha LOLs), and writing this amidst a gloomy but serene dusk. 

I went to one of my highschool friends’ house <3 to chill and talk about… things. Different things. On love. On friendship. On oneself. I love how such moments with long time friends make me realize that the world isn’t such a bad place at all. I love how we talk about many things, how we help each other deal with hardships and problems, and how light I feel inside when I get home though my eyebags become heavier than ever because of the late night chitchats.

Talking. Laughing. Smirking. Teasing. Capturing moments. The few main things we do when we have sleepovers. Over the hours spent doing such, I manage to realize the following:

  • People can change positively. Since all the changes I have observed with different people in my life were mostly directed to the negative side, I have feared change. But seeing my friends actually change towards the good side caused me a change of heart regarding my fear of change (somehow).
  • The momentarily tightening of the heart when one experiences “kilig” is also the same as the sudden painful throb of the heart when one experiences heartbreak or is hurt. How ironic.
  • I don’t do child’s play. :))
  • The world is so superficial.
  • I think a lot. I over analyze things. It’s a silent talent I possess. Or a curse?
  • I need less drama in my life. 
  • But I admit I’m the one who is madrama most of the time. Haha.
  • Venting out is good if you vent out to the right people. 
  • Get a friend before getting a lover. If you’re not a good friend, you will never become a good lover. Good luck, boy.

I have many realizations to list down but I’m still caught up with the drama in Naruto. Gonna watch more of it in 3…

2..

1…

You ain’t got… nothing.

May 6th
3:26 AM

Realizations 2012 s1e2

*Cue OST*

Hello there from a bored eighteen year old who’s been nature punched yesterday. Haha. We went to San Fernando yesterday to relieve boredom and do the grocery. I was so excited because I haven’t been out for a while (when I say out, I mean outside our town. Haha.). At around 10am, I felt something crumpling inside me. Yes, that’s the nature punch we girls experience every month. It started to hurt but I can’t complain because my mom might cancel our gimmick. I kept it to myself and drank Mefenamic acid (but it didn’t work). So the moment we reached the grounds of San Fernando, I began to complain and asked my parents to take me to our Lola’s house which is just near our location. It hurt so much that I needed to stay at my Lola’s while they dined out. :( However, they came back and brought me another medicine which eased the pain so I got to enjoy the rest of the trip doing the groceries and eating pizza after. Haha. Anywhooooo, here are my latest realizations:

  • I think I’m wasting a lot of precious time during the summer so I will began doing advanced studies and research (not for school, for my career).
  • I’ll start working out. I found a game for the wii which could help me work out (while having fun of course). 
  • I need to update my blog more often. ‘Nuff said.
  • I should practice playing the guitar again. My baby is getting a little dusty. (Yes I call my musical instruments BABY, deal with it!)
  • On weathers like this, I remember my lazy days sleeping on my desk at SSA. Haha. And how I miss highschool and the good people there.
  • I hate ants. :| and my randomness.
  • I need to smile and enjoy more. 
  • I’m loving the breeze so I’m gonna go outside and snap some pictures and maybe daydream a little. 
  • Bye!

*And we roll the credits*