Realizations 2012 s1e4
I am writing to you because I think we need to change.
I am very sorry for today, I have failed you. Remember our goals? The ones we planned before the semester started? I think we won’t be able to fulfill them anymore. Remember us dreaming of bringing home that sheet of paper worth more than any of the gold pendants we have collected during grade school and high school? Well, I don’t think we’ll make it. At least not anymore because of that freaking exam. But most of all, because of me. I am really sorry. I might have ruined our only chance of getting that piece of paper. I comforted myself in thinking that I have done enough for my studies that I actually did not exert any effort in studying for a single freaking exam.
I hate it when I do that. I hate when I let myself think that I have done much. That I am very tired because I have been doing stuff for my studies too much. I hate that I am lazy. In reality, I have done some stuff. Stuffs that are not enough to make me deserve the time I spend slacking off. I am not tired. I haven’t done enough. With this way of thinking, I might not become who I want to be. I need to change. To take things seriously. To grow up.
I am still a child. I don’t believe everyone should grow up. It’s not fun losing your inner child. But with all of the things going on, in this transitional stage of life which I am currently going through, I think I would have to let my childhood go. I won’t be anywhere near to being a doctor or a scientist if I keep on choosing the comfortable, safe, and easy way of life. I won’t be successful if I find contentment in passing scores and “good enoughs”.
Help me, dear self. Encourage me to change. Help me gather the strength and courage I need to step into the wild waters. Let us hate comfort and safety. Let us be like the savage man who refuses to adopt civilization as a way of living. Let us love challenge and improvement.
If we cannot land in the D list, then let’s just be listers of our own D. We are our own enemy.